Gym Annoyances

I’ve spared no expense in writing this, hospital so tread lightly. I’ve listed some of the gym annoyances I encounter on a daily basis. You guys might have run into a few of these situations, abortion so feel free to share your experiences.

  1. The Talker: This dude will introduce himself if you look approachable. He’ll tell you how his day went at work, how life’s not fair and how his girlfriends a great screw. Seconds later, he’ll ask what muscle group you’re exercising, then he’ll ironically say “I don’t waste time in the gym.” This all happens 60 minutes after introduction.
  2. The Super Talker: I was debating between “The Super Talker” and “One-Annoying-BASTARD”. This one time I had my headphones on, blasting really loud techno music. I tend to look down when walking around the gym to avoid any time-consuming conversations. I was ready to pump out really heavy T-bar rows, or what I like to call “an-inch-away-from-paralysis” rows. This exercise requires Zen-like focus and concentration, followed by a few iterations of the Holy Quran to ensure Allah’s on my side. Anyways, as I was pumping 6 really-heavy-I’m-about-to-crap-my-pants reps, the Super Talker approaches me and asks a question- IN THE MIDDLE OF MY DAMN T-BAR EXERCISE. You know what pissed me off? The annoying bastard was waiting for an answer.
  3. The Super Talker, Part 2: In a male-only testosterone-packed gym, how the hell does a subject about someone’s daughter getting her first period creep in? Oh yeah guys, this is for real. The same Super Talker who talked to me in the middle of an exercise that could have easily caused paralysis talked about his daughter’s experience with her first period.
  4. The Farter: Better in than out I say, but not around the dumbbell area. I have nothing against farting- it’s a natural thing, especially with athletes and weight-lifters who consume a lot of food to fuel their workouts. Nevertheless, you should always fart responsibly. For starters, never fart in an area where sweaty men are inches apart. The smell of testosterone-induced body odor and sweat is torture enough- adding in smelly protein farts would add nuclear insult to injury. Instead of concentrating that stuff right up in my face, take a walk around the gym and spread the wealth. Sharing small farts around the gym’s a lot better than sharing it in a small congested area.
  5. The Advisor: These guys attack once you’ve finished performing an exercise that WORKS FOR YOU. They’ll tell you how you’re doing it wrong. For shits and giggles, they’ll even add a really fast and detailed assessment of EVERYTHING you’re missing and should be doing. Wow- we’ve just met and you think you know my body more than me? Ironically enough, after eating 45 minutes from your workout time like cancer eats on cells, the Advisor adds that workouts should not last more than 60 minutes.
  6. The Gawker: After performing his first set of his first exercise, he’ll place his elbows on his knees and stare at everyone in the gym for the remainder of the workout. Gawkers choose their preys carefully. They won’t approach, only stare. They gawk because they wish they looked like you, exercised like you or maybe even screw you. Whatever goes through a Gawker’s head is beyond any of us.
  7. The Guy Who Just Doesn’t Get It: In the middle of an INSANELY INTENSE back workout, where I was OBVIOUSLY looking more serious than a US President giving the orders to drop a nuclear bomb on some 3rd world country, this stringy-ass dude comes up to me and asks for a workout plan. Right then and there, he wanted to know which muscle to work, the specific exercises, and accompanied sets and reps. After wiping the pile of sweat I had on my face, I told him to stick a barbell up his butt hole and call that a workout.
  8. The Feeler: Looking improved? Exercising a new muscle angle? Looking good while performing a workout? The Feeler will come up to you and make sure you’re working out what he thinks you’re working- by touching you very awkwardly. He’ll also touch you because of all the improvements you’ve made to your physique. Yesterday, I was performing a hamstring workout, specifically the glute (butt) to hamstring (rear upper thigh) area tie in. All of a sudden, this dude places his hand on THAT AREA. I was startled and rudely asked him what in God’s name he was doing. Please refrain from touching someones muscles. It’s gay regardless of ANYTHING. This includes the usual “I want to feel how hard your biceps are”.
  9. The Kisser: Kissing in the gym should not be allowed under any circumstances. I don’t care who it is, KISSING IN THE GYM IS NOT ALLOWED. I’m talking about Arab cheek kissing. Apart from the body odor and sweat, placing your hand on my cheek for a “sweat-protected” kiss IS NOT A SOLUTION. If anything, a weight-lifter’s hands are dirtier than a toilet since it comes in contact with every other lifter’s germs. Sweat’s not cool either. In LA, it is ILLEGAL to share Yoga matts. Skin disease is serious, and it’s no laughing matter.
  10. The Perspirator: I sweat a lot when I workout, but I make sure to wipe my face and whatever equipment I’m using before, during and after. I’ve seen a few guys that sweat twice as much as me, and that’s not the problem. Sweating, especially when working out is a very normal thing. Nevertheless, and in reference to #9 above, sweat should not touch me or any other person under any circumstances. I’m looking at you Mr. I’m-running-on-the-treadmill-and-sweating-within-a-100-mile-radius.
  11. The Comfort Zone Destroyer: I strongly believe in PROXIMITY- i.e. keep a good distance if you’re talking to me. Any closer than arm width is ANNIHILATING my comfort zone. Now imagine working out on a machine that requires a specific amount of space in order to perform it correctly. Now imagine a douche bag rudely entering that area screwing up your exercise rhythm. Now imagine that douche bag running into you WHILE performing a dangerous exercise without apologizing.

13 Responses to “Gym Annoyances”

  1. Sahar Says:

    LOL what a long rant! Hilarious as usual (eww at times), but really good points there :D
    I think you should print this in A2 size and hang it in the gym.

  2. dudette Says:

    You seriously Cracked me up :P

  3. AlSubah Says:

    All good points. “The feeler” made me lol wtf is wrong with this guy!

    What irks me is that we have a decent available cardio room, but this guy decide to run around where the weights and the machines are. I mean seriously? It’s like a child running in the kitchen! GTF back to the cardio room!

    I also dislike it when people help me lift weights. It just takes 1 little push to let my scumbag muscles know that they don’t need to work hard anymore.

  4. venessa Says:

    was such a nice read.. really !!! thx :)

  5. 7amood Says:

    girls will enjoy this more than guys.. because they get a glimpse of what goes on in a men’s gym. and yes, I agree with most of what you said there, happened to me a couple of times before, but never have I had a guy go touch feely on me!

    good read :)

  6. Mon Says:

    I am a guilty of gawking >_< but it only happens if I see "the feeler", "advisor" and "super talker". Everyone needs a laugh sometime, and they provide my fix! Nice to see you updating your blog again

  7. Nidal Says:

    Hi Fahad – loved your write up on the gym. The last thing I want to inhale during an intense cardio session is someone’s butt releases (ie farts). LOL

  8. Rania Nunez Says:

    I feel ur pain , you don’t wanna what goes around at the women’s gym , I also take my workout seriously I like to focus but it seems ppl don’t get that

  9. A Says:

    Wow hahaha no worse than ladies gyms though!!
    I dont think you could imagine what old ladies would do, they do basically ALL THE ABOVE…AND BEYOND! You’d be lucky if you just had a super talker 1 (who of course would start the cliched questionaire) “min binta? Omich min binta? Tadresen wila teshtaghlain? Wain teshtaghlain? 3indich 3yal? Raylech min welda”

  10. mimi Says:

    wow @@ now i’m going to look differently at guys who walk out of the gym .. didn’t expect that they stink that much and act like women (sowalef 7areem)

    but Fahad i agree with Rania .. i had so many issues with women when i used to go to the gym .. i stopped going after 4 months of my one year subscription, it was just scary how they stare at someone who walks by, annoying how they just want to know everything personal about you ! (starting with “entay bent meno?”), apperantly some girls have no idea what deodrant or body hair removal means, some women think that they’re being filmed in a reality TV show and start screaming while excersising and don’t get me started at the infections a girl can get using the pool !! it’s just plain disgusting and sadly it is known as one of the best famous most expensive women gym in Kuwait (you probably know which one i’m talking about)

    it’s really annoying ! I have no where to go that’s why i try to walk outdoors, that’s my only excersise, i wish i can do more than that.

  11. Bo-Ya3gooob Says:

    Lo0ooooL Funny post Fahad, i can relate to mostly all of them, but thank God never encountered the Farter… :P

  12. Yasu Says:

    And people wonder why I refer working out in the rivacy of my own home. some people just have no regard (or concept) of hygiene/personal space.

    “you should always fart responsibly.” THANK YOU! and this implies both well-ventilated areas And a verbal warning! it’s just common courtesy

    Alla ykoon b3onkom, gymrats. for what it’s worth, all that crap you put up with ends up yielding more than physical results. it’s an exercise in tolerance too. Awesome post, Fahad. made my day xD

  13. بوجسوم Says:

    كلام جميل .. يعطيك العافيه
    ضحك
    بس يبيله الأسلوب شوي يكون أرقى
    روعه كتابتك

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