[Editor's Note:There are many ways you can try to be Fahad. There are some folks that do it well (that's what she said) and there are some that choose not to do it at all (those are very sad people- virtuous, prostate sure, here but very sad). Then there's Bodie, who does it on occasion. Here's his story.]
Research has shown that trying to be Fahad has hit an all time high since the inception of this website.
I have tried being like Fahad. It’s not that I didn’t try, and it certainly isn’t that I don’t want to.
Wait, no. That’s a lie.
The person I have tried to be like all my life is Michael Jordan, but that has gone the way of the Sega Genesis, LOST, and Air Supply. Unless I can grow 8 inches, my basketball dreams are over. (Apparently, the folks spamming my email and yours aren’t talking about THAT KIND of growth spurt.) But I digress.
Being like Fahad- heck, even TRYING to be like Fahad- is hard work. You need to be dedicated, set a goal for yourself- no wait, a REALISTIC goal for yourself, and relinquish all forms of enjoyment you get from food. Well, until the smorgasbord that is CHEAT MEAL DAY. That day is awesomeness.
This is my problem. I want every day to be Cheat Meal Day. Let’s face it; we all do.
Do I decide to go for the burger and fries rather than the grilled chicken and steamed vegetables? You bet I do.
Do I skip morning cardio to watch Chris Paul battle Deron Williams and Derrick Rose take Steve Nash to double overtime? I am Bodie and I am a basketball junkie. (These two things have happened in the past 24 hours.)
Do I hate myself for doing those things? Yeah, but…
I’m perfectly content with my body image right now. (Key word here is right now.)
Allow me to explain.
It’s November, which means the 19-21% body fat I’m carrying around right now is covered by a couple of layers of clothing. No one can see the tub of lard that I am right now. (And now that cover is blown. I just outed myself to a national audience of ________ (Fill in website visitors here). #FML)
My take on this is that looking lean and shredded is a summer time thing. Right now, it’s all about MASS! (“HELL YEAH,” I hear you fatsos screaming)
Only, its not.
Trying to be Fahad is not a seasonal thing. It is, like the creator of this blog says, a lifestyle choice. So let me dissect my lifestyle:
I work from 9am to 6pm. (Trust me, I know.) At 6, and let me preface this by saying its a flexible 6, I head to the gym. (On the days when the 6 decides to really test its flexibility, this may or may not happen.)
I put in my hour and a half at the gym, push myself to a degree, and have my protein shake. So far, so good on trying to be Fahad. Then, and stop me when this sounds familiar, I head to the dowaneya. The dowaneya is where diets go to die.
No one is interested in your suggestion of Health Stop, LoFat, or even sushi. (Only sashimi for me.) Everyone wants Hardee’s, McDonalds, or Choowy Goowy. (I am a slave to the cookie. Like Limp Bizkit says, I did it all “so I can get some cookie”. I’m pretty sure he’s talking about a different cookie, though.)
THE MARKETER IN ME IS HERE TO REMIND ANYONE AFFILIATED WITH ANY OF THESE BRANDS THAT THERE ARE SPACES AVAILABLE FOR YOUR ADVERTISEMENTS. THANK YOU.
So I cheat. (Fahad is eating his Twinkie as he reads this. He’s not immune.) I cheat because I think, you know what, I put in my time at the gym. I was clean the whole day. A cookie ain’t gonna hurt. But it’s never ONE cookie.
I am resigned to this now. I realize that the Taylor Lautner within (obligatory Twilight reference for the ladies) is not gonna unleash himself any time soon. I realize that my attempts to wow any girl Kanye West referenced in “Christian Dior Denim Flow” is not going to happen. This is cool with me. After all, I’m trying to date Liz Lemon, and I’m pretty sure (you know, since she can shotgun a pizza) she’s not trying to be Fahad either.
Of course, when summer comes (which is right around New Year’s in Kuwait), I will deny I ever wrote this pile of crap that you just read.
I want to try to be like Fahad.
*When Bodie is not obsessing about Liz Lemon, he writes on The Left Tit, a blog with quite possibly the best name ever. (Avenge the Virgins is a close second.) You can folllow Bodie’s real life alter ego on twitter.