Trying To Be Me

[Editor's Note:There are many ways you can try to be Fahad. There are some folks that do it well (that's what she said) and there are some that choose not to do it at all (those are very sad people- virtuous, sure, but very sad). Then there's Bodie, who does it on occasion. Here's his story.]

Research has shown that trying to be Fahad has hit an all time high since the inception of this website.

I have tried being like Fahad. It’s not that I didn’t try, and it certainly isn’t that I don’t want to.

Wait, no. That’s a lie.

The person I have tried to be like all my life is Michael Jordan, but that has gone the way of the Sega Genesis, LOST, and Air Supply. Unless I can grow 8 inches, my basketball dreams are over. (Apparently, the folks spamming my email and yours aren’t talking about THAT KIND of growth spurt.) But I digress.

Being like Fahad- heck, even TRYING to be like Fahad- is hard work. You need to be dedicated, set a goal for yourself- no wait, a REALISTIC goal for yourself, and relinquish all forms of enjoyment you get from food. Well, until the smorgasbord that is CHEAT MEAL DAY. That day is awesomeness.

This is my problem. I want every day to be Cheat Meal Day. Let’s face it; we all do.

Do I decide to go for the burger and fries rather than the grilled chicken and steamed vegetables? You bet I do.

Do I skip morning cardio to watch Chris Paul battle Deron Williams and Derrick Rose take Steve Nash to double overtime? I am Bodie and I am a basketball junkie. (These two things have happened in the past 24 hours.)

Do I hate myself for doing those things? Yeah, but…

I’m perfectly content with my body image right now. (Key word here is right now.)

Allow me to explain.

It’s November, which means the 19-21% body fat I’m carrying around right now is covered by a couple of layers of clothing. No one can see the tub of lard that I am right now. (And now that cover is blown. I just outed myself to a national audience of ________ (Fill in website visitors here). #FML)

My take on this is that looking lean and shredded is a summer time thing. Right now, it’s all about MASS! (“HELL YEAH,” I hear you fatsos screaming)

Only, its not.

Trying to be Fahad is not a seasonal thing. It is, like the creator of this blog says, a lifestyle choice. So let me dissect my lifestyle:

I work from 9am to 6pm. (Trust me, I know.) At 6, and let me preface this by saying its a flexible 6, I head to the gym. (On the days when the 6 decides to really test its flexibility, this may or may not happen.)

I put in my hour and a half at the gym, push myself to a degree, and have my protein shake. So far, so good on trying to be Fahad. Then, and stop me when this sounds familiar, I head to the dowaneya. The dowaneya is where diets go to die.

No one is interested in your suggestion of Health Stop, LoFat, or even sushi. (Only sashimi for me.) Everyone wants Hardee’s, McDonalds, or Choowy Goowy. (I am a slave to the cookie. Like Limp Bizkit says, I did it all “so I can get some cookie”. I’m pretty sure he’s talking about a different cookie, though.)

THE MARKETER IN ME IS HERE TO REMIND ANYONE AFFILIATED WITH ANY OF THESE BRANDS THAT THERE ARE SPACES AVAILABLE FOR YOUR ADVERTISEMENTS. THANK YOU.

So I cheat. (Fahad is eating his Twinkie as he reads this. He’s not immune.) I cheat because I think, you know what, I put in my time at the gym. I was clean the whole day. A cookie ain’t gonna hurt. But it’s never ONE cookie.

I am resigned to this now. I realize that the Taylor Lautner within (obligatory Twilight reference for the ladies) is not gonna unleash himself any time soon. I realize that my attempts to wow any girl Kanye West referenced in “Christian Dior Denim Flow” is not going to happen. This is cool with me. After all, I’m trying to date Liz Lemon, and I’m pretty sure (you know, since she can shotgun a pizza) she’s not trying to be Fahad either.

Of course, when summer comes (which is right around New Year’s in Kuwait), I will deny I ever wrote this pile of crap that you just read.

I want to try to be like Fahad.

*When Bodie is not obsessing about Liz Lemon, he writes on The Left Tit, a blog with quite possibly the best name ever. (Avenge the Virgins is a close second.) You can folllow Bodie’s real life alter ego on twitter.

12 Responses to “Trying To Be Me”

  1. Bodie Says:

    Oh snap. Busted link. Follow me at @alowaish.

  2. MANAL Says:

    Hi happy to be one of your readers, but during the reading of the latest Post, I felt it is very difficult to keep ur self in a healthy diet ,and I felt that you deprive yourself too much, and I’m one of the people who believe that food is necessary and fun,:P
    I have two questions could be kinda private
    1) food is linked to psychological situation of the person, how you can avoid ur psychological mood and your attitude?
    2) I think that most events force you to eat, especially with friends and family how can you avoid these situations ?

    it could be serious questions but very important for me to know thank u :)

  3. MANAL Says:

    these questions for fahad btw but i posted it here :P
    thank u :P

  4. The Expatess Says:

    This post was hilarious! However, I feel differently; I feel that because no one is really paying attention to what you *really* look like in the winter (thank goodness for layers), that’s the best time to strike and kick things into high gear. Then, by the time summer rolls around, (which is like you said sometime around Jan. 3), you’ll be ready to bust out the hot pants. Or not, Maybe hot pants are better left to the girls. Either way, it is hard trying to be Fahad!
    Nice to see a collab from a grand duo!

  5. Bodie Says:

    Please step away from the hot pants. Chris Hansen would not approve. At all.

  6. FAHAD Says:

    MANAL: I’m happier that you are one of my loyal readers :) .
    I don’t deprive myself at all. Healthy doesn’t have to be nasty. Healthy can be tasty, and I’ve managed to do just that while adding in a few cheat meals every weekend.

    Your questions:
    1) You have to be able to control the stress around you. If you want something very badly, it turns into a need, and when you need something very badly, you’ll get it. My life is very stressful, but you don’t see me splurging on junk calories. I’m no better than anyone here; I just have more control over stressful situations. However, PMS cycles are another story.

    2) Make it clear to everyone that you’re abiding by a new healthy lifestyle, even when you’re forced to eat- remember, you’re still in control. Make it VERY clear that you’re not being rude. The unhealthy and the obese know they’re fat and unhealthy, so they try forcing their misery on you. Once they do, you failed to commit to your lifestyle. Same thing applies when an overweight person hangs out with fit individuals. They will rub off on him/her, and hopefully change his/her lifestyle for the better.

  7. FAHAD Says:

    The Expatess: LOL keep the hot pants to yourself :P and Thank you!

  8. fizzle Says:

    Fahad were you a basketball player in any of kuwaitis club?

  9. FAHAD Says:

    fizzle: Nope, but I used to play basketball and volleyball back in high-school. Minimal stuff, nothing even remotely amateurish. Why?

  10. Bodie Says:

    He thinks you wrote the post. There’s a lot of basketball :p

  11. fizzle Says:

    I knew some one named Fahad playing basketball and very interested in bodybuilding, i thought you’re him :)

  12. Bodie Says:

    Which club did that Fahad play for?

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